Yours truly has clocked 93,000 "cattle class" miles on United Mileage Plus this year. Not bad for ten months.
Too bad I don't work in an investment bank or a wildly profitable oil and gas major like some of my friends otherwise all these miles would have been in first class.
So here are my travel tips for frequent flyers (including that one insane guy who has spent 90% of his life on the Munich-KL-Munich route).
1. Get an aisle seat. This will ensure quick getaway in case the passenger in front of you lets loose one of those silent deadly farts that come out of nowhere with zero advance warning.
2. Watch the Devil Wears Prada on TV and laugh loudly. This will convince the bloke beside you with bad breath and stinky armpits that you are gay and he may ask for a seat change.
3. Drink lots of beer or other alcohol. This will soothe your brain and you will be able to sleep like a pig.
4. Bring lots of sensible reading. Nothing is worse than reading about the azure blue sea in Langkawi in the in-flight magazine for the tenth time on a 14 hour flight. Who the hell comes up with terms like azure blue anyway?
5. If your last name ain't Smith or Jackson, keep all your cavities well-lubricated as you may be subject to an-all cavity search at any time.
Too bad I don't work in an investment bank or a wildly profitable oil and gas major like some of my friends otherwise all these miles would have been in first class.
So here are my travel tips for frequent flyers (including that one insane guy who has spent 90% of his life on the Munich-KL-Munich route).
1. Get an aisle seat. This will ensure quick getaway in case the passenger in front of you lets loose one of those silent deadly farts that come out of nowhere with zero advance warning.
2. Watch the Devil Wears Prada on TV and laugh loudly. This will convince the bloke beside you with bad breath and stinky armpits that you are gay and he may ask for a seat change.
3. Drink lots of beer or other alcohol. This will soothe your brain and you will be able to sleep like a pig.
4. Bring lots of sensible reading. Nothing is worse than reading about the azure blue sea in Langkawi in the in-flight magazine for the tenth time on a 14 hour flight. Who the hell comes up with terms like azure blue anyway?
5. If your last name ain't Smith or Jackson, keep all your cavities well-lubricated as you may be subject to an-all cavity search at any time.
3 comments:
My one advice, plan to cash the miles soon. I had collected about 150,000 miles flying "cattle class" (and the occassional complimentary upgrade) from Sydney to Melbourne (isn't it sad, 150K pver 24 months, on a 1hr 20 minute flight). Before I could plan of using those miles the airline, Ansett Australia, collapsed :(. So use those miles soon.
Coincidentally I am a also a Mileage plus member and its useful because of Star Alliance. Since I end up flying all kinds of airlines, difficult to consolidate and fart class is the usual mode of transport. Though if you ever get a chance, Business Class in Austrian Airlines rocks!!
Oh God, Rohit! You crack me up!!!
Post a Comment