New FT MBA Rankings

Being Numerate (reducing everything about the school to a number), Competitive (with other business schools) and Obsessive (obsessed with the rank), I can't give up this opportunity to give a shout out for the new FT rankings that were released a few days ago.

Yes! Insead is at #7 and has moved up one spot. This is the first time in 3 years that we seem to be headed in the right direction. The new dean, improved facilities and much-improved placements seem to be responsible.

Although, based on the quality of the teaching/professors, I would say we easily belong among the top 1-2 schools globally :-)

What does it take to make it to the top?

Your truly has certainly had a less-than-stellar career so far. And all indications are that the future holds no promise as well.

Nevertheless, I would like to think most of the lack of success has been due to conscious choices which you have to make. Sure, there are some factors that are beyond an individual's control but to a large extent, one can control where one's career is headed.

So here are the "top 7" things that you need to get to the top. As they say, those that can't do anything teach and preach :-)

1. Tons of luck - you have to be at the right place at the right time. You have to join the right company when its expanding for instance.

2. A "Godfather" - Call it "mentoring", "kissing up", "sucking %*#%" or whatever else but without someone up there who likes you and helps you make the right moves, you can't get anywhere.

3. Smarts - Not bookish, nerdy smarts but street-fighter smarts. Who to play off against who. How to ambush your competitors. How fast you crunch that excel sheet doesn't matter. Can you explain the theory of relativity- who cares.

4. Looks - Ever wonder why CEOs and other top execs look a certain way? The clean-cut, gelled well groomed, went to the gym good look counts for a lot. People make snap decisions when they meet you and looks can make a big difference.

5. Education - Not "what you know" but "where you came from". The US east coast Ivys, the prep schools, the Oxfords and Cambridges all operate in very tight networks. Ever wonder why most PE/ hedge fund types come from certain schools?

6. Ability to be a chameleon - You might be comfortable sitting on the floor in your undies eating food with your hands but you better start wearing that Zegna suit and that Hermes tie and eating Foie Gras if you wanna fit in. And, putting on a upper-class British or American accent doesn't hurt either.

7. Putting in the hours (never) and making a show of putting in the hours (always)- When leaving at 3:30 pm, leave your computer on, forward all calls to your cell phone and drape your jacket over your chair. Have a few beers, swing by the office at 11:30pm and leave a few messages. And most importantly, while on vacation, keep sending emails and messages from your Blackberry to show that you're on the ball.

So here you go. Seven ways of making it to the top brought to you by someone who most certainly won't be joining you on your journey there. Good luck and Godspeed :-)

MBA = Numerate, Competitive and Obsessive

If there is one word that describes the graduates of top MBA programs it has got to be numerate. Reducing every thing in life to numbers and then using the numbers to make your self feel miserable is a uniquely top-MBA trait.

For instance, how much do you make? What’s your bonus this year? How many babies do you have? How many mistresses do you have? How many times do you get laid a week? How many people do you manage? How much does your car cost?

Reducing everything to simple numbers allows for easy comparisons. For instance, I am sick of my job and my life sucks and I would rather be getting a root canal than working but I just made a $100,000 bonus yippee! Or, my wife absolutely hates me but I had sex four times last night. Yoo-hoo!! Or, my kids will inherit my genes (yikes) but I just had my 8th (legitimate) child.

Now this would still be ok. After all, we can’t really expect graduates from business programs to be able to retain much more information in their bird sized tiny craniums can we? But it doesn’t stop here...it’s also Competitive.

A more typical conversation would probably go like this- I just made a $100,000 bonus and you made what only $75,000. Shit. Ok what’s the average in our class this year? What $200,000? Holy crap, I’m just a piece of shit. Oh Lord please put me out of my misery. Why don’t I get run over by a car. Oh why is life so unfair! Aaaaaarggghhh.

Or how about this nugget- What!!! He made level 2? Jeez how the hell am I just a level 0. Life is so damn unfair. I do all the work. I have all the brains. I am even better endowed. Booohooo.

And then there’s the final trait which needs no explanation- Obsessive. Obsessed with money. Obsessed with clothes. Obsessed with gadgets. Obsessed with sex. Obsessed with looking good. Obsessed with being numerate. Obsessed with being competitive. Obsessed with being obsessed.

Not a very happy bunch eh?