If there is one word that describes the graduates of top MBA programs it has got to be numerate. Reducing every thing in life to numbers and then using the numbers to make your self feel miserable is a uniquely top-MBA trait.
For instance, how much do you make? What’s your bonus this year? How many babies do you have? How many mistresses do you have? How many times do you get laid a week? How many people do you manage? How much does your car cost?
Reducing everything to simple numbers allows for easy comparisons. For instance, I am sick of my job and my life sucks and I would rather be getting a root canal than working but I just made a $100,000 bonus yippee! Or, my wife absolutely hates me but I had sex four times last night. Yoo-hoo!! Or, my kids will inherit my genes (yikes) but I just had my 8th (legitimate) child.
Now this would still be ok. After all, we can’t really expect graduates from business programs to be able to retain much more information in their bird sized tiny craniums can we? But it doesn’t stop here...it’s also Competitive.
A more typical conversation would probably go like this- I just made a $100,000 bonus and you made what only $75,000. Shit. Ok what’s the average in our class this year? What $200,000? Holy crap, I’m just a piece of shit. Oh Lord please put me out of my misery. Why don’t I get run over by a car. Oh why is life so unfair! Aaaaaarggghhh.
Or how about this nugget- What!!! He made level 2? Jeez how the hell am I just a level 0. Life is so damn unfair. I do all the work. I have all the brains. I am even better endowed. Booohooo.
And then there’s the final trait which needs no explanation- Obsessive. Obsessed with money. Obsessed with clothes. Obsessed with gadgets. Obsessed with sex. Obsessed with looking good. Obsessed with being numerate. Obsessed with being competitive. Obsessed with being obsessed.
Not a very happy bunch eh?
For instance, how much do you make? What’s your bonus this year? How many babies do you have? How many mistresses do you have? How many times do you get laid a week? How many people do you manage? How much does your car cost?
Reducing everything to simple numbers allows for easy comparisons. For instance, I am sick of my job and my life sucks and I would rather be getting a root canal than working but I just made a $100,000 bonus yippee! Or, my wife absolutely hates me but I had sex four times last night. Yoo-hoo!! Or, my kids will inherit my genes (yikes) but I just had my 8th (legitimate) child.
Now this would still be ok. After all, we can’t really expect graduates from business programs to be able to retain much more information in their bird sized tiny craniums can we? But it doesn’t stop here...it’s also Competitive.
A more typical conversation would probably go like this- I just made a $100,000 bonus and you made what only $75,000. Shit. Ok what’s the average in our class this year? What $200,000? Holy crap, I’m just a piece of shit. Oh Lord please put me out of my misery. Why don’t I get run over by a car. Oh why is life so unfair! Aaaaaarggghhh.
Or how about this nugget- What!!! He made level 2? Jeez how the hell am I just a level 0. Life is so damn unfair. I do all the work. I have all the brains. I am even better endowed. Booohooo.
And then there’s the final trait which needs no explanation- Obsessive. Obsessed with money. Obsessed with clothes. Obsessed with gadgets. Obsessed with sex. Obsessed with looking good. Obsessed with being numerate. Obsessed with being competitive. Obsessed with being obsessed.
Not a very happy bunch eh?
2 comments:
I can think of a few more. "Your title does not matter if you do not have any reports or if you dont have a budget. How many reports do you have?".
"What was your pay rise this year? Mine was peanuts. Inflation is higher"
"My salary is 10% of a hedge fund associate's. Yet, I work more hours than him, do more conference calls, report to the CEO, have aukaat which few people do. I need to join a hedge fund"
-N
It's all tounge-in-cheek. None of these posts are meant to be taken seriously :-)
-R
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